Screen Mavens

Proof that everyone crawls out of the woodwork when someone dies.

2011-02-13T05:00:00.010-05:00

Hello, all. Emily here. It's been nearly a year and a half since our last post. It's 5 o'clock in the morning, and Betty Garrett passed away yesterday morning. You know what that means.

TRIBUTE POST.

First, you should know that I don't make tribute posts about just anyone. That was apparent when the deaths of Rue McClanahan and Dixie Carter, two ridiculously important staples of my childhood and adult life, went unnoticed on this blog last year. Perhaps if I had the patience and brainpower to run a blog properly (and, you know, remember that said blog exists) everyone and their mother would be commemorated in my written word, but that's just not the case. It just so happens that I was feeling a tad nostalgic for the days of my blog, and... Betty Garrett has passed. So there's going to be a post about her.

Betty has been an important part of my life for many years. 13 years ago - way back in 1998 - I became a devout fan of Laverne & Shirley. Throughout my preteen years, Betty Garrett continued to amuse and amaze as I discovered the films she made at MGM and discovered more about her incredible career. I'm not going to say that Betty Garrett could walk on water, but she probably could have if she wanted to. Her portrayal of Edna Babish will always be the closest to my heart - I have Laverne & Shirley marathons several times a week, because apparently 178 episodes are enough to sustain a 13-year-long obsession. Her unique voice, kooky sense of humor, and song & dance have entertained audiences of the stage and screen for years, and I know her talent will live on through her films and of course, my favorite of her characters: Mrs. Babish.

More posts will be coming soon, hopefully. There have been more celebrity run-ins, concerts/shows/performances, ridiculous happenings, DVD releases, and even a Judy Garland Festival that haven't been covered yet. So sorry for abandoning you lovelies!

Weeeee're heeeeeere!!

2009-10-27T18:13:00.003-04:00

So here I am skipping class once again (nothing really bad about it this time, we're just watching a movie), and in thinking about what to do with my academically belligerent self, I realized that a post is needed. Many things have occurred since the last time we posted, and it's time to make some formal acknowledgments.

First of all, the great Soupy Sales has passed on. One may remember Soupy from his pie-throwing antics, or for his joking suggestion to the children of America that they steal their parents money and send it to him. This proved successful, thus proving the growing stupidity of America's youth. Though these are all fine and good, we prefer to remember him from this:

And of course this:

So RIP Soupy. Rest in pie.

Second line of business, Halloween is on the way, and we at Screen Mavens are super excited. So excited in fact, that we are proposing a Halloween movies poll. We are going to rattle off some Halloween films--be they traditional Halloween films or not so traditional, for kids or adults, psychologically disturbing, horror, or suspense--and your task is to tell us which one is your favorite. We will then make a Halloween entry devoted to the winning film, complete with clips, pictures, information, and trivia. You can vote for your film by commenting on this entry with your choice from the following list:

CHOICE #1

CHOICE #2

CHOICE #3

CHOICE #4

CHOICE #5

CHOICE #6

We here at Screen Mavens know that the choice might be difficult, so we will say that you can vote for 2. Vote for your first one, and then leave another comment voting for your second one. That way it will make it easier for us to count.

HALLOWEEN POLL FOR THE WIN.

That's all for now, guys, don't forget to vote on your favorite Halloween movie!! Until next time...

Updates, and a special introduction.

2009-10-10T14:04:00.008-04:00

So as I'm sitting here dogsitting, with a neurotic dachshund on my legs, I thought I would make an entry, because obviously that's a very novel concept when you have a blog. So sorry to have kept you waiting for...a month. Damn...we're kind of bad at this. Hopefully we get better later. To our credit, we have both been busy pretending to do homework and acting like we're academically inclined, so once we get tired of pretending to care about our futures, we'll get back to this.

Oh, before I get started on the post proper, 2 things need to be covered.

Item 1:

Emily and I both bought this, against our better financial judgment. It has EVERYTHING--a book, an ad collection, a WATCH (WTF), and HELLA bonus materials that weren't on the 2004 set. It really deserves its own post, but suffice it to say here: it's worth every penny.

Item 2:

They FINALLY released Mary Tyler Moore, Season 5. Emily bought it the day it came out, I bought it the next day. We were both super excited--Emily thought Penny Marshall's appearances were in season 5, and I for some reason thought Chuckles Bites the Dust was season 5. Turns out, they're both season 6. Failure. Oh well, it's still amazing.

Ok, now that those items are taken care of--on to the post.

Emily and I want you to meet:

(I hate that she's Katharine Hepburn's niece. The apple fell pretty damn far from the tree on that one.)

THAT'S IT.

Emily discovered this, and sent it to me in an IM with the words "STOP EVERYTHING!!!!!!!"

This is the one she sent:

I'm pretty sure that those people are US.

My favorite.

I am absolutely obsessed. There are more on youtube. Go check them out, they're hilarious. Ok I guess I'd better...oh but wait....WAIT....THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE I FEEL COMING ON...IT'S....

What is this video even? I love how 3/4 of this video is made up of clips of Judy from The JG Show that have nothing to do with Valley of the Dolls or this song. So much love.

Anyway, I think that's about it for this edition of Screen Mavens. Tune in next time, for "The Wizard of Oz: 70th Anniversary Set" or "The Wizard of Oz: If I Only Had A Financial Brain."
-Lara

LIZA'S AT THE PALACE HOLLYWOOD BOWL!!!

2009-09-16T21:36:00.013-04:00

Hello there readers! Hope your day was lovely, hope you're following us on twitter now, and hope you're ready for a SPLASH of Liza May!!! Because that's what you're getting....dammit.

I had several requests on twitter for a review of my experience seeing Liza at the Hollywood Bowl. As it is clearly long overdue, my dishes are washed, and I'm procrastinating on homework, I'll get crackin' right away, starting tout au debut (I just got out of French class).

I first saw Liza when she came to San Francisco for a concert in 1996. I was 10 years old, and completely and utterly taken with "Judy's daughter." At that point that's who she was to me--I think I was too young to really understand the breadth of her fame, though I had seen "New York, New York" and other select age-appropriate Liza materials. But I was in love with Judy, so I was completely elated and hypnotized by this presence onstage. Plus, it was a school night. Can't get much better than Liza on a school night!

As I matured, I began to develop a real respect for Liza as a performer in her own right, not just as Judy's daughter. The first time I saw Cabaret I was about 12, and I think that's what really sealed the deal for me. I saw Liza With A Z for the first time shortly thereafter, and in the meantime kept waiting for Liza to come back to San Francisco for a concert. I thought "She has to come back here sometime, the fan community is so strong here." But no go. Liza didn't come.

I began to miss her. When the internet came into widespread use (!!!), I started checking up on her upcoming concert dates, and saw nothing even close to where I am. I started to wonder why Liza was seemingly deliberately avoiding San Francisco. Emily and I joked that she was afraid of being trampled by mobs of gays. But...she lives in New York!! It's not much better over there in terms of homosexual trampling danger.

In June, I checked Liza's tour calendar online and saw, as expected, that she was not due to come here. I did see, however, that she would be doing a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. I skipped over it for a minute, still looking for San Francisco....and then came back to it. Liza...at the Hollywood Bowl?? ....this is BIG. I thought about it for a minute, calculated an approximate figure in terms of how much it would cost (something I suck at big time)...and then decided to go for it.

Los Angeles is about a 6 hour drive from where I live, if you take the highway that's ugly and gross. My family goes down there from time to time to visit relatives, so I know L.A. a little bit, and am familiar with the locations of most of the landmarks. The Hollywood Bowl is located on an incline just above Hollywood Boulevard, so I thought it would be perfect for me to stay in a hotel that is an even distance between Hollywood Boulevard and the Hollywood Bowl, so that I could have an opportunity to satisfy my movie lovers' cravings and be an annoying tourist before the show. I began to book these things...then money started to run out. Have I mentioned I'm bad at calculating figures?

I talked to my mom, who owed me a birthday present. She told me that she would contribute $100 toward my trip, as a birthday present, and she also told me that she wanted to come!! This came as a surprise because my mom is not really....into this stuff. At all. But hey, if she wanted to come, fantastic! I would have been going alone, and it's always nice to be with other people.

Fast forward to August. My plane ticket was booked (I opted to fly instead of take ground transportation--logistics are easier), my ticket was printed, and I was on my way to see Liza May!! My mother was meeting me at the hotel later in the day, she had to work that morning. I get to the airport, and break out in a cold sweat. I had forgotten my passport. Should I try to go home and get it, and make a mad dash for this flight? Should I tell the airline to book me on another one? Should I just try to proceed with my regular school ID? I was kicking myself for being so stupid. I decided to just proceed with my school ID, and see what happens. I print my boarding pass, no problem. Then I get to the security checkpoint, where a woman was checking everyone's ID. I gave her my school ID, she looked at it for a minute....then let me through. PHEW.

I got on the plane and found my seat, scrunched in between two older men, one of whom had a cowboy hat on and was speaking in very broken English. The other one was attempting to do Sudoku--but gave up almost instantly. I settled down for the flight, reading an article about Sesame Street in one of those crappy airplane magazines. I work with kids--I feel an obligation to read about current children's programming.

We landed in L.A. about an hour later, and I took a Super Shuttle to the hotel. I think this is a well-known fact, but I can't be too sure--Los Angeles is an INCREDIBLY smoggy city. There is a perpetual layer of smog perched on the horizon, and that coupled with 100+ degree heat and fires in the hills, made for a very odd day to be outside. Nonetheless, your trusty writer put down her things, and went immediately to Hollywood Boulevard to be a tourist.
First stop: the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I took lots and lots and LOTS of pictures, as you can see.

Second stop: Grauman's Chinese Theater. My hands have fit Judy's since I was 12, and I was curious to see if they still did (I kind of knew they would, because they fit last time I was in L.A. which was 2 years ago. I doubt I've grown much since then). They fit. I tried to take a picture, but Judy writes so damn lightly that I had to wait until 3:00 when the shadow was such that I could see the writing. I also accidentally scared some people away from Judy's prints by quoting her shoe size. Yeah I'm a freak...deal with it.

My mom arrived at the hotel around 4, so I went back to meet her there. She came with me to Hollywood Boulevard and we did a little bit of extra sightseeing before we had to go back and get ready for Liza.

The concert started at 8:30. As we were staying at a hotel that was literally a 5-minute walk from the Hollywood Bowl, we got ourselves dressed and coiffed around 8:15 and began to make our way up the hill. While walking up the hill, it really hit me. I'm going to see Liza!!! I started to get really excited. My mom took a picture of me walking up the hill. When we reached the Bowl, I of course took a picture of the sign, and attracted significant attention. A reporter came up to us and asked if we would like to be in the Orange County Register. We said....of course!! So the man took our picture, and told us to look on the website the next day for it. HELL YEAH.

Inside the Bowl it's like a mini city. The venue is SO HUGE that it's very easy to get lost. My mother and I designated a meeting place, took some pictures in front of a Liza sign, and said goodbye to each other so that we could go to our respective seats (she was at the top, I was near the front).

The concert started right on time, 8:30 on the dot. Liza came out in a lovely white suit, to a cheering and hollering audience. My mom said afterward that the audience felt like a community. It truly does, and I can only IMAGINE what Judy's concerts felt like in terms of that. She was in great voice, but even at the tough moments, Liza got tremendous reception and approval. This is nothing new to me, in practice, but being a part of something like that LIVE, is stunning.

There were these 3 drunk girls who were being especially noisy in front of me. They were obviously Liza fans, but WTF. They were annoying as hell. Whenever Liza did something...ANYTHING...they would shout and wave their liquor around, blocking everyone's view. The people sitting next to me were really straightlaced, and I could just see their straightlaced little faces turning redder and redder each time these girls did something.

Her first act was essentially the first half of Liza's At The Palace, with the same songs in more or less the same order. I was singing along, softly so I could hear Liza, and just marveling at her presence. For those of you who haven't seen Liza live, she really has an amazing stage persona--very dynamic and flamboyant, but at the same time vulnerable and shy. Very reminiscent of her personality I think. When she was a kid, Liza was quite shy, but she's always had this fiery side to her that came out when she performed.

She ended her first act with "Cabaret," which got her curtain calls, and which made the drunk girls spill their wine. Much of the audience thought the show was over, because of the nature of the ending of the first act, so a good number of people in front of me ended up leaving. At least...I THINK that's why they left. It could have easily been because I had overheard them talking about how Liza sang "The Man That Got Away" in Cabaret. I couldn't help interjecting and being like "Judy sang The Man That Got Away in A Star Is Born. Maybe you're thinking of "Maybe This Time."" I then got into a rather one-sided discussion about how "Maybe This Time" was not written for the Cabaret, it was originally written for "The Golden Gate," which never came to fruition, so Kander and Ebb just took it and plopped it in the movie "Cabaret," and that's how Liza sings it on the full recording of Judy and Liza at the Palladium.

They left shortly after that.

The second act was not at all like the second act of Liza's At the Palace, instead of the Kay Thompson dedication, Liza instead sang things like "Liza With A Z," and many of her older numbers. It was also decidedly quieter during the second act, as the straightlaced people had yelled at the drunk girls during intermission, and they toned it down a little. Liza had come out at the beginning wearing her usual black getup, and sang "I Can't Give You Anything But Love" to Billy Stritch, who then sang it to her, and they started basically making out onstage. Fabulous.

At the end of the concert, Liza went offstage and didn't come back for like, a number of minutes, despite the crowd's cheering. When she DID come back, she was wearing a ridiculous nightshirt with a decal that I STILL don't recognize. Ed Hardy perhaps? But since when does Ed Hardy make nightshirts?? She ended the concert to a lot of that typical Liza crowd energy, my hands hurt from all that clapping, and my throat hurt from yelling so much.

Oh, and I think I spotted Joe Luft. Liza told the crowd he was there, so afterward I went Joe-searching in the sea of craziness (there were 9,000 people there) and I think I saw him! Oh, spawn-spotting.

In all, it was spectacular evening that I will never forget.

Ok this post is HELLLLLA LONG, so I'm just going to post pictures from the day after.

This is THE DRESS that Judy wore as a toddler. It's in the Hollywood History Museum.

Judy and Max Factor. Hollywood History Museum

NO EXPLANATION EVEN NECESSARY. Hollywood History Museum.

TWEET TWEET!

2009-09-15T18:22:00.007-04:00

Screen Mavens is trying to fly high above, like a bird on the wing, and is now on Twitter! Follow us!

http://twitter.com/screenmavens

See you there!

-Lara and Emily

Welcome back (your dreams were your ticket out....)

2009-09-15T02:03:00.024-04:00

So... yeah, it's been hella long. Hi.

We are SO sorry, divine readers, for the delay in our postage. We were too busy doing things.

I (Lara), for one, went to the Hollywood Bowl to see a one Miss Liza May Minnelli. But take that as a tantalizing preview for a post-to-come. Because it was absolutely spectacular and deserves its own post.

But today, we are going to talk about something else. What...what's this I see? A house, with a picket fence...and a barn with a....wait, NO. IT'S SOMETHING ELSE. IT'S.....

Ah yes, My Judy Garland Life, by Susie Boyt!!!! The book that came out early this year, and that Lara spent $40 on so that she could get it from the UK before the US publishing date. We are going to be discussing this book today. Just call us your own Garland-obsessed, socially awkward version of Oprah's Book Club.

So here's the deal. Each of us has written a little review of the book from our own perspective. We have then answered questions posed in the book, some of which are rather silly. As it is late at night, I (Lara) didn't finish answering all the questions in the book, but I got the majority of them. Here, you will see our opinions of this boooook. HERE WE GO!!!

LARA
My view of the book
The very beginning of the book made me cry. It detailed exactly what my childhood was--I was a very sensitive, kind of lonely, quiet kid, who loved animals and felt a sort of deeper connection to the world. When she described what her love for Judy was, I identified with it immediately. It was precisely what I had been trying to tell people for years and could never find the words. I was so elated that I wasn't alone, that someone else in the world felt very much the way I do about Judy.

As I progressed further into the book, I discovered that there are a lot of things lacking in Susie Boyt's knowledge. She misquotes things a lot. She name-drops everywhere, but quotes incorrect facts and figures. She also uses rather elementary language, which is a bit of a turnoff. It's clear that she loves Judy, but there are some gaping holes that need fixing.

All in all, I think Susie Boyt's intentions were good, but she should have either done more research, or if she wanted this to be a memoir, use fewer quotations, because those of us who know what she's talking about REALLY know what she's talking about.

Another thing is, I don't really like it that Susie Boyt's view of Garland fans is so black and white: "good" fan, and "bad" fan. I have met SO MANY DIFFERENT kinds of fans--from the sort of "fanatical" fans that follow Liza and Lorna, to the really dedicated fans that try to learn everything there is to know, and to those people who have seen all her movies but know little to nothing about her personal life. It would not be right for me to say that any of these is better or worse than any other simply because their outlook and their way of approaching their feelings might be different from my own.

As for myself, if I were to classify myself into a category of fans (we'll talk about that word later), I would have to put myself into the dedicated category. I not only read, I STUDY. I learn EVERYTHING. I can tell you the dates on which every single scene in The Wizard of Oz was shot, I can tell you the exact date of the release of Easter Parade, and I can tell you on which day of the week Judy Garland was born. This is all due to a voracious appetite to learn everything there is to know about Judy--nothing is too trivial. I have figured that the reason I feel the need to learn so much is that, at the risk of sounding like an insane person, I feel that I am very, very lucky to have this connection with another soul across innumerable bounds. As Emily says, I do not see her as a performer, actress or singer--to me, when she is onscreen, she is like an old friend, or a relative--someone I am very familiar and comfortable with. Because I am able to relate to someone this closely, someone who I will never see in person but who I feel like I have known for a very long time, I feel the need to live up to a certain standard--if that makes any sense at all.

When I went to Grand Rapids for the Judy Garland Festival for the first time, I came across a Judy fan there who was deaf. In his entire life, he had never heard "Over the Rainbow," never heard the Carnegie Hall album, and never heard that marvelous speaking voice or famous laugh that we're all so fond of. Regardless, he felt an immense connection with this person, this person who was a singer he could not hear. He traveled all the way from New York City to be at the Judy Garland Festival. This, I think, speaks volumes about how Judy does not sing to your ears, but to your soul.

For years, I found the word "fan" problematic. It does not begin to explain the enormity of the intense connection I feel with Judy Garland. I have come to accept it, because it just makes things easier and also because I feel that there is no other word to describe what I feel. Suffice it to say that there is something very, very special.

EMILY
I'm not really sure where to begin with this. This is going to be more of a stream of consciousness because... I can't... well... heck.

Okay. So for starters: I am a huge Judy fan. Huge. I can't even explain it. But one thing about me as a Judy fan is that above all, I see her as a human. I don't put her on a pedestal and worship her, because I can't. I see Judy as Judy. Now, I'm sure when many of you see that, you're thinking I mean the “tragic,” “sad,” “pitiful”, etc. side of Judy that most people hear when they think of Judy. False. I see Judy for the hilarious, witty, vivacious person she was. When I first saw Judy, I was 2-years-old, and it was The Wizard of Oz (cliché, but – isn't that how it starts for everyone?), and Meet Me In St. Louis closely followed when I was around the same age. Of course, when I became a huge fan as time progressed, it was her talent that drew me in. I listened to her day in, day out (as I still do), watched her endlessly, and protected her name when people would say negative things about her. During this stage, I learned more and more about who she was as a person, and THAT was the clincher. Judy was a ridiculous clown, and would do almost anything for a laugh. She'd turn the most horrible stories into gut-busting anecdotes, and had the most amazing sense of humor about her. While I can't sing well or do anything Judy did even remotely half as well, I connected with her on that level. I've been the same brand of ridiculous since I could open my mouth, and the fact that this enormously talented woman had this side to her and wasn't a diva is what I respect her for most. At this point in my life, when I listen to or watch Judy, it's as normal as breathing air. I'm not the fan who sits there in awe of her every time she appears on screen, because she's so normal to me – like an old friend. That's not to say I'm not in awe of her talent – this woman has the ability to make me laugh and cry like no other, and she IS the world's greatest entertainer in my eyes. Anyway – by saying she's like an old friend, I feel like a crazed fan, but only another person in my shoes could understand what I mean, and I know that there are at least a handful out of the millions of Judy fans out there who know what I'm saying. I obviously never knew her personally, being born 20 years after her death, and I'm not claiming to know her. No one could possibly understand everything about Judy, and as Liza Minnelli said, you understood her best if you knew you didn't understand her.

Almost every single Judy fan has a different attitude towards her, and that's fine by me. Whether they see her in a bad light, a dim light, a light smothered in gold and diamonds, or how I see her, that's none of my worry, because I've realized there's no use in defending her or bringing her down to a more human level. The legend has already been set in stone by tabloids and poorly written biographies, as well as accounts of her being godlike and superhuman. I can't change that, and that's okay, because I'm comfortable knowing what I know and feeling what I feel.

This brings me to Susie Boyt's book. At best, this book was luke warm to me. I share Lara's feelings about the language and content of the book. I agree with some of the things Boyt says on some level, but to me, she is a clingy, sunny-side-up, "I'm going to pretend that never happened because MY Judy would never say or do those things because she is perfect"-fan. The phrase “hero-worship” is used over a dozen times, which turned me off. I know that a large majority of Judy fans would adore this book, but it left me with a strange feeling and reminded me of Wayne Martin (a Judy “fan” - aka leech – who recorded his telephone conversations with Judy, which are now on YouTube for the whole world to shake their heads at. He seemed to have gotten involved personally with Judy for his own pleasure). At one point, Boyt says that she had an impulse to take Liza's cigarette butts and half-eaten sandwich when she left the room during a meeting with her, and also says that she would have loved to watch Judy sleep for the distance of a chair. CREEPY. She analyzes what it must have been like to have been a caretaker or personal friend of Judy's - and marvels at the fact that someone who was "in charge" of taking care of Judy for less than 24 hours never even asked her to sing! Well, gee! That woman must have had some sort of common decency, huh? This same type of hero-worship is extremely reminiscent of the hangers-on that were in Judy's life in the 1960s - the people that used her and eventually aided in her decline because they were more interested in her talent and what THEY were getting out of their relationships with her, rather than the actual human being that sat before them.

Boyt goes as far into her book to have a chapter about what she believes makes a good or bad fan. I can't really agree or disagree with what she said, because MY kind of fan wasn't included. Perhaps I'm a rare breed. Apparently, the best fans are the hero-worshipers, which... no comment. I agree with her on the fact that bad fans are the kind who are obsessed with her “tragedy” (I hate using that word connected with Judy even as an EXAMPLE. Turn off.) and who see her sorrow and sadness (oy) as their reasoning for loving her, but that should be more than obvious.

I can't very well say much much about this book, and I'm well aware that this is hardly a book review, but I WARNED you, didn't I? All in all, I wouldn't PERSONALLY recommend this as a good book, but I think it should be read by all Judy fans, just as a way to see how other fans view her. It was interesting. And tad train wreck-ish. But then again, aren't MOST books about Judy? While Boyt means well and is an extremely devoted fan, in my eyes, it sort of feeds that "legend" fire that began so many years ago. It makes it seem as though Judy can only be idolized or insulted. What's missing from this book is the fact that you are able to be a strong, devout fan WITHOUT sugarcoating or dwelling on the tragic (THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN!) side of her. The fact that I'm such a big fan who knows the insides and outs, but could barely connect with any aspect of this book speaks volumes.

For those of you who want a proper read on Judy, I can only recommend Me and My Shadows by Lorna Luft (it isn't chock full of lies and gossip – Lorna only tells what she knows), Judy by Gerold Frank (the ONLY biography written about Judy approved by family and friends), and John Fricke's books - Judy Garland: World's Greatest Entertainer and Judy Garland: A Portrait in Art and Anecdote. I've read every book written on Judy, much to my dismay, and those are the only books that didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth.

And finally, here are the questions. In Boyt's chapter, Are You a Good Fan or a Bad Fan?, there are quite a few questions that she sent to almost 100 Judy fans world-wide. Most of these questions are a little strange, so we tried to answer the more normal ones to the best of our abilities (in truth, NONE of these are normal).

How would you describe Judy's brand of glamour?
L: "No glamour. No glamour at all." Sorry, I had to insert a Love Finds Andy Hardy quote in there somewhere. Well, I think that Judy had great natural beauty, but also this beauty was rather ahead of its time. Today, Judy would be put in films and touted as a very beautiful girl/woman, because nowadays there is a broader range of what is considered beautiful.

E: While I think Judy was naturally beautiful (yeah, she started off a little awkward, but WHO THE HELL DIDN'T?), I wouldn't tack the word "glamour" onto her. I don't mean this disrespectfully at all, because I WISH I looked like her, but along with the word "glamour," comes the attitude. To me, Judy was beautiful and approachable - not JUST a gorgeous face.

If Judy were alive today and in her 80s, which designers do you think should dress her?
L: Ok, I think that Judy needs really specific clothing, that only like, Edith Head can supply. And the Travilla gowns from Valley of the Dolls are good on her. So I say resurrect Edith Head and get Travilla pronto because they have some work to do.

E: I agree with Lara. But realistically? Chanel and Karl Lagerfield. This question makes no sense, and I'm really NOT sure why it was even formulated.

Have you ever hero-worshiped anyone else?
L: I....wouldn't call my Judy thing hero-worship. At all. I don't even really know what that MEANS in this context. I don't know what I would call it, but not that. And no, I've never hero-worshiped anyone.

E: The phrase "hero-worship" really weirds me out. I could never put my love for Judy into something so unrealistic and... clan-like. I don't hero worship anyone.

What attitude do you have to the parts of Judy that were difficult or less likeable?
L: I think those parts of Judy are part of her, so I love them too. Her imperfection is what makes her who she is.

E: I'm impartial. What's done is done - I'm not going to judge Judy for the "less likeable," things she did, just as I hope no one would do the same for me. She wasn't perfect. I'm not going to dwell on her imperfections, and I'm not going to pretend they didn't exist.

Does Judy have characteristics that you share?
L: Sometimes I talk like her, which weirds me out sometimes. I'll hear myself do the stutter, or trail my sentences off. It's bizarre. Also, we have similar eyes. And oddly similar mannerisms, undoubtedly because I've been exposed to her for so long. And also, that sense of humor. I find her SO amazingly funny, and it's a humor that is really unusual--kind of odd, and not everyone quite understands it. Judy had INTENSE brainpower--some people estimate her IQ to have been in the 160s or 170s, and I think her sense of humor really reflects her brilliance.

E: Well, as we all know, if you see or hear or know someone for quite a while, you pick up on their mannerisms and speech patterns, so - I've got the same thing going on as Lara does when it comes to the speaking and mannerisms. But without Judy's input on my characteristics, I've always had the same dark, wacky, ridiculous sense of humor that I understand she had. I like to turn the horrible into the hilarious. I get myself into a bit of trouble sometimes, because I'm already laughing at the horrible WHILE it's happening. I'm also quick to flair, as she was apparently, and I can be ridiculously loving and attach myself to certain folk. I also have HORRIBLE sleeping patterns, and... I can't see the cue cards.

Does your love of Judy affect any other aspects of your life, for example does it affect the way you treat other people or handle situations?
L: Yes, once when I was in like, 6th grade, a friend of mine who was over made some very benign comment about Judy, and I literally ran out of the house. I'm not that sensitive anymore, thank god. Now, I generally find things funny. My grandmother met Judy when she was a nurse at Cedars of Lebanon, and she used to tell me stories that disturbed me--like Judy throwing things at the nurses and cussing people out. Now, I hear those stories and take them as they are--"yes, Judy was like that, I'm not surprised," you understand. Recently, my grandmother told me that she was once cussed out by Judy, and I pressed for more details, knowing that this makes a hilarious story. If she had told me that when I was little, I would have gotten upset. I think it's really a matter of being confident enough in your attachment to this person to really see them as they are. Of course when I was little, I felt this attachment to her, but I was a little kid and was thin-skinned. Now, I have matured and have "grown into" this intense, fiery, complex soul that I am attached to, if that makes any sense at all.

E: I used to be protective of Judy - not really sensitive, or even terribly protective for that matter, but I used to have an attitude toward people who weren't too considerate. I've realized that what I say or do doesn't matter, and it's not even my business to correct what they think and believe. And as far as handling situations goes, she's made it seem a bit more acceptable - to me anyway - to laugh off as much as I possibly can and to just go wild for the sake of having a funny story. I'm now more apt to tell myself that if I'm having a bad day or experiencing something unpleasant, I should just cool it, because 9 times out of 10, it will become a HILARIOUS story within a short period of time. I've always had that attitude, but now it's even more so.

Why do you think Judy became a gay icon?
L: That's...a really hard question to answer. I've been asked this so many times. How does anyone become a gay icon? I mean look at godforsaken CHER. How on EARTH did that thing become a gay icon? No one knows. There are some clues with Judy--her father was gay, as were many of the closest people in her life, plus she was kind of a phoenix, no matter what hardship she came across, she always pushed through and bounced back. Charles Busch gives a good description of that in the A&E bio. But really...gay icons are a bit of a mystery.

E: I'm not really sure, as I'm not gay and can't personally speak on behalf of that. I agree with what Lara said, and I guess... the love for her in the gay community grew stronger through the passing on of whatever relationship they had with her to begin with?

So that's it, chickens! This was nothing short of EXHAUSTING. I (Emily), personally have to wake up in 3 1/2 hours, as it is 5:00am and have class in the morning (WHAT ARE MY SLEEP PATTERNS?), but we've detained all of you readers for far too long! Until next time!

PATTY DUKE IS THE BEST THING EVER.

2009-07-29T14:14:00.003-04:00

My friend Sarah and I decided to go put our names in the lottery for the $25 tickets to see Wicked last night. So I put my name in, she put her name in, and we waited to see if we would be drawn. After a good 10 names or so, we heard Sarah's name announced. We quite literally jumped for joy (much to the delight of bystanders), and went to hang out at the library for a while until the show started. We saw a cool calligraphy exhibit in the library, and then we headed over to Gyro King, a restaurant neither of us had been to but had gotten good reviews. Sarah loved her gyro, I didn't like mine because there was too much dill. How did I ever survive with Russian food?

Then we walked over to the theater. The good thing about San Francisco is that the whole city is quite compact. It's a "big city," but it's not big by any means. So literally, the Orpheum is right across from Gyro King, which is right across from the library. Quite convenient. We stood back from the crowd while people were still buying tickets, and when they started letting people in, we went straight in, discussing Spamalot and other crazy things that had nothing to do with the issue at hand. We found our seats (row G in the Orchestra, which was fantastic--limited view, but no matter because we got to see every minute detail on everyone's face), and sat down to watch the show. The production was quite good. Sarah and I had both seen different productions, so at the intermission we were comparing the Glindas and Elphabas to the other productions we had seen.

Now, confession here. I'm not a huge Wicked fan, which might surprise some people. I think the lighting is absolutely phenomenal, I think the sets and costumes are amazing. I don't particularly like the script, and a lot of it doesn't make much sense. I probably would have passed on seeing it this time if it weren't for Patty Duke as Madame Morrible. I've always loved Patty Duke. Ever since my mother showed me The Miracle Worker for the first time when I was about 5, I have loved her. Recently I saw her at the Castro and got to see how amazing she was as a person as well, and I was kind of newly entranced. So of course I made up my mind to go see Wicked, even though I'm not particularly crazy about the play.

Afterward, we went to the stage door. The cast came out, one by one, to autograph programs and such, and Sarah got the autographs of just about everyone in the cast. I wanted to save my program for Patty Duke. She finally came out, and when she got to us, Sarah said "I'm going to let her go first, she's the big fan."

So I told her "I've been a fan of yours since I was 5." She looked at me, obviously moved, and said "Ohhh, god BLESS YOU!" I told her "Ever since my mom showed me The Miracle Worker." She looked like she was about to cry, and then reached out and gave me a big hug. By this time we were attracting a lot of attention. After she gave me the hug she said "You're wonderful!" Then I told her I saw her at the Castro, and we talked about that for a little bit, and it was all so...amazing and surreal. I'm still on cloud nine from this experience.

I felt SO AMAZING. She is just so incredibly nice, and she essentially made my life. But really, what makes me feel the best was that I think I made HER night. She seemed so genuinely moved that someone would be such a longstanding fan of hers. She's talked in interviews about how she enjoys meeting fans at the stage door, and I think that she was surprised that someone as young as I am is a fan of hers, and not only that, but has been a fan from such a young age. It pains me to say this, but I'm not sure too many people knew who she was at the stage door. Seriously, no one else got a hug!!! And we attracted quite a bit of attention!!!

If any of you ever get a chance to meet Patty Duke, don't pass it up. She is the warmest, sweetest most down-to-earth person you will ever meet.

Chickadees, this night was amazing.

-Lara

Joyeux Anniversaire/Vive La France/Another Excuse for a Holiday Greeting

2009-07-15T10:58:00.006-04:00

Well lovelies, the time to bestow holiday greetings has once again come upon us. Yesterday was Bastille Day, and since we at Screen Mavens are never ones to do holidays lightly (when I heard that there was a Bastille Day parade down the Champs-Elysses, I had to muster up all the resistance I could not to fly to Paris immediately), we wish you all a very happy Bastille Day, and many more to come.

That's a picture I took when I was in Paris last winter. I'm obsessed with it.

Emily and I are obsessed with celebrations (I mean really...we celebrate the anniversary of Judy's last day on earth, for pete's sake), so now that my internet is strong and virile, I am able to counteract youtube and create my own video in celebration of Bastille Day and any other holiday that might happen to come along. Hit it!

-Lara

The Book of Mayer, Verse 5

2009-07-14T01:04:00.004-04:00

The delightful Kayla has once again supplied us with a precious verse from The Book of Mayer. Also, Kayla now has her own blog, and I think I'm safe in saying that you all want to follow her!

[disclaimer: do not read this book.]

The Lord sayeth to Nelson Eddy, "Dangle Louis B. Mayer out his office window, my son."

Nelson, always one to question, humbly replied, "As much as it would please me, Lord, I do not think it possible. My might, it is not enough."

The Lord nodded, acknowledging the baritone's point. "Well, Nelson, it's like this- either you do it, and it's true, or you don't do it, and someone comes along in 1979, saying you actually did do it because you were screwing Jeanette MacDonald, and had some sort of rage complex."

Nelson, his eyebrow raised, shook his head in disbelief, "Lord, I don't understand. They say to leave things in God's hands, and you seem to be leaving it to me."

"Yeah, well, sometimes God can't handle the firestorm of idiocy and leaves it up to his people."

"So I can do this or not do this, and either way, someone will think I did?"

"Uh, is that not what I just said? Whatever, those are your words of wisdom for the day. Go with it, my son."

"Are they going to say anything else?"

"Two words- rape machine!"

"I'm sorry?"

"Look, I gotta go talk to Joan Crawford about some kids, so you just... you have a nice day, Nelson."

Everything I need to know about life I learned from The Judy Garland Show.

2009-07-13T01:21:00.005-04:00

1. June Allyson screws things up when she's drunk.
2. Zina Bethune has no coordination.
3. When you're angry, it helps to SINNNNNG your rage off.
4. Don't let Martha Raye near your hands.
5. There aren't that many Irish people.
6. Vic Damone has a massive forehead vein.
7. Liza Minnelli ate her cereal.
8. PPPPPPPBBBBALBOOOOOOOA???
9. Every seasonal song should be preceeded by "...buongiorno..."
10. Day In, Day Out, cannot be sung with a small mouth. It can't be done.
11. It is necessary to scream in the middle of "Fever."
12. It was a real sawmill.
13. Little Nellie Kelly was made in 1782.
14. When a moth flies in your mouth, park him for a chorus and a half while he flies around in your cheek. Not applicable when you're singing "Get Happy."
15. Rudders don't go on the front.

We're a little late, folks...

2009-07-13T01:02:00.007-04:00

Sometimes, after a long and unnecessary hiatus, we at Screen Mavens like to insert the titles to episodes of Rhoda in our subject line. Pardon us. ("Pardon me... HAHRGHH!")

Lovely, divine readers, we are so sorry to have detained you, but we came down with a bout of hepatitis and ballooned out to 180 pounds. 20 quarts of fluid had to be drained from our bodies, and we were pronounced semi-invalids and told that we would never blog again. However, it's time to stage a miraculous comeback. Hopefully you all are not "pitifully... unprepared."

And now, you may rise.

Penny and Rosie Advertise for K-Mart.

2009-07-07T22:48:00.003-04:00

Ok, so let's get one thing out in the open, readers.

We're obsessed with Penny Marshall. She's just a walking poster child for unintentional hilarity. I mean really. Laverne and Shirley? The Odd Couple? Any time she attends a Lakers' game? Pure genius, folks.

And here is a treasure trove of gems we encountered on youtube. Enjoy.

Belated 4th of July Post

2009-07-06T00:55:00.003-04:00

Well, lovely, divine readers, we are belated in our bestowing of a 4th of July greeting upon you. However, we do wish to say, now, to all of our readers in the United States (and abroad, whatever, we're open and all-welcoming), HAPPY JULY 4TH! We do sincerely hope you enjoyed an insane amount of food and fireworks. I, personally, had some carrots, strawberries, and a piece of bread. I'm trying not to eat any carbs, and I feel quite proud of myself that I only failed a little bit with the bread situation.

So...yeah. We wanted to commemorate the occasion with a not-so-appropriate clip from The Judy Garland Show, featuring 4th of July antics for like, half a second, but we couldn't find the clip on youtube. So we're going with this instead. Happy 4th, possums!

-Lara

Grand Rapids, here we come, chickens!!

2009-07-02T01:10:00.009-04:00

Emily and I have long been planning a trip to the annual Judy Garland Festival in Grand Rapids, MN. For those who don't know, the Judy Garland Festival (or the "fest" for short, and between myself and Emily, "FEST" or "FEST '10") is typically held the 4th week of June in Judy's hometown of Grand Rapids, and the majority of the events take place at the Sawmill Inn, right across the street from the Judy Garland Birthplace.

I have been to the Fest 3 times, once when I was 12, again when I was 13, and again when I was 14. In the words of our friend Ashley, it's probably "the only thing weirder than a Trekkie convention." It's hilarious. The munchkins are there (the surviving ones, anyway), a special guest like, for example, Lorna Luft, is always there (I met her my first year there), and PLENTY of crazed Judy fans. My second year I won this award for Wizard of Oz knowledge, and was interviewed for NPR, which was magnificent (though I don't know if it ever aired). So there are a lot of opportunities to really relish in Judyness.

Since I haven't been in almost 10 years, and Emily has never been, we hatched a plan to go in the summer of 2010. We have just begun the initial planning stages of this event--we now have a room booked at the Sawmill Inn, a room directly tailored to our specifications (which were simply "the most hilarious room they have")--including a microwave and a refrigerator, and a prime location next to the pool. We're also starting to laugh at the Sawmill restaurant menu, which, for us, means we're STOKED to eat there. We are SOOOOO EXCITED!!

Here are a few pictures from Fest 1998.

My June Allyson autograph from Fest '98

My sister and myself with June Allyson, Fest '98. June Allyson was obsessed with my sister. I find that hilarious.

With my sister and my friend Anna at the "Get Acquainted Buffet", Fest '98. My bangs are horrific, and as we've discussed...bad puberty.

With Jerry Maren, the "Lollipop Kid" from The Wizard of Oz. The one in the middle, not the elf-like gnome thing on the right. That's my sister.

With Lorna Luft. I was shy to meet her (I was 12 years old), until she boomed at me "Come on over! I don't bite!" And then she proceeded to puzzle over my name for a while, and was still muttering it to herself as I walked away. Brilliant.

-Lara

Lorelei Gumm

2009-06-30T18:36:00.000-04:00

Top 10 Judy Quotes

2009-06-30T13:18:00.007-04:00

This entry will probably change many times, as we think all of Judy's quotes are magnificent.

10: "Soldier!! My heel!!

9: Judy: I don't think I like you!!
Mickey: Thank you.
Judy: You're welcome!!

8: "H."

7:""And now...the man who makes movies about people who make MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVIES!!!"

6: "Come on Mike--Dan, come on Mikedan."

5: "Hi, band."

4: "...and I haven't learned a new song since the....ORIGINAL VIKINGS...are..de...I don't know...just CAVALCADE..."

3: "Where's the CIRCUS??"

2: "FRAAAAAANCES??"

1: "Nobbybeddy. Adeebadeebadeebadoo."

Book of Mayer Bible Verse 4

2009-06-28T19:18:00.008-04:00

Our official biblical correspondent, Kayla, has provided us with another bible verse from the Book of Mayer for this blessed blog.

Ava Gardner cried out to the Lord, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Mickey Rooney, I am granted no shade!"

-Lara

June 27, 1969

2009-06-28T11:44:00.006-04:00

Hi chickadees. As you may know, yesterday was the 40th anniversary of Judy's funeral. It was a monumental day in Judy's life, even in death, as she had one of her biggest audiences ever--22,000 fans came out to see her. We couldn't post yesterday because it was such a hectic day for both of us, but our tradition on significant Judy days is to post a massive picture and video spam. So here it goes.

This video is another one that Emily and I are obsessed with.

This is the song that was sung at Judy's funeral. I was inclined to end this post with this video, but I decided to end it with something else I'll explain it at the end of the post.

The reason I decided to end this post with this video instead of Battle Hymn of the Republic is that Judy did not want to be remembered as a tragic figure. She had a wonderful, glorious sense of humor, and by all accounts, that was the essence of Judy, not the tragedies that befell her. I believe that this video showcases that sense of humor marvelously. This is the way to remember Judy.

Thank you, Judy! We love you!!

-Lara

Adventures with Celebrities, Installment 1

2009-06-27T11:44:00.009-04:00

Emily and I are in love with our lives, in part because we seem to have a knack for celebrity encounters. We both have met a good number of incredible people, and I thought that it would be fun to share the stories with you here. Here is my first installment. Key of B-flat. Here we go!!!

CAROL CHANNING
March 2009

Another thing that Emily and I have in common is that we ADORE celebrity impersonation, and one of our easiest targets has always been the great Carol Channing. I mean really:

We have long thought that she is the most accidentally hilarious thing EVER. So you can imagine my excitement when last September, the performance museum at which I volunteer decided to put together an exhibit devoted to the life and work of Carol Channing. Carol is a San Francisco native, partly why the museum decided to honor her with an exhibition, and she now lives in a smaller town in the Central Valley, about an hour and a half away. When informed about the exhibit, Carol was delighted and decided to come up to San Francisco for its opening, attend the opening gala of the exhibit, and give a concert at Herbst Theatre.

Everyone was abuzz about Carol coming. She made the front page of the Datebook, the entertainment section of the San Francisco Chronicle, and tickets for her concert at the Herbst Theatre sold out completely. It was definitely a special thing for such a huge star to make a return to honor her hometown, as it was honoring her.

I was scheduled to volunteer at the opening gala on September 26, 2008. I had my outfit all picked out, and was going over what the HELL I was going to say to Ms. Channing when, the day before the gala, I got an email from Tony, the fabulous volunteer coordinator at the museum (with whom I also went to high school). The email read something along the lines of this:

Dear Volunteers,
Tomorrow's gala has been cancelled. Carol has fallen at her Modesto home and has broken her hip. We are trying to figure out what to do with the concert tickets. Thank you so much for your volunteerism for this event.
-Tony

Well, of course I was shocked. No one thought this was going to happen--Carol had never missed a concert in 70-odd years!! But of course, if she has broken her hip, it was more important for her to get better. So I contented myself with writing her a get-well note, and sent it to her fan mail address.

Fast forward to March, the day before the closing of the exhibit. I volunteered at a museum event, after which Tony called me over. I asked him what was up, and he whispered, "It's possible that SHE might be here tomorrow, for the exhibit's closing." Being the smart thing that I am, I asked "WHO??" He pointed to the Carol poster prominently displayed on the wall. I felt stupid. "Oh..REALLY???" I said. He nodded, and replied, "She's expected to be here around 1, so get here just a little bit after that, because there will be traffic." So I, excited as all hell, went home to prepare for my Carol Channing encounter.

The next day, I went out to do some errands in Oakland (it was the birthday party of the twins I babysit, so I had to go get them a present before I went to the museum). I got a call from Tony around 1, saying "Rumor has it that she's on her way. You should start leaving now." So I put the twins' present under my arm and got right on BART to the museum.

I arrived about 20 minutes later in a pant, and asked Tony "Is she here??" Tony said "Yes, she's here, but be discreet." He noticed the present under my arm and asked incredulously "Did you get her a PRESENT?????" I said "NO, NO, this is for something else." "Oh, ok," he replied. "Because that's definitely not discreet."

I put my bag and the twins' present in the back room, and wandered into the main gallery. There she was, in her signature red jacket and black pants. She was smaller than I imagined her, but she's also 87 years old. One could never, ever tell that she had broken her hip just a few months before. She was walking unassisted, without any real noticeable limp. The museum curator was showing her around the exhibit, and she was saying in her distinct voice things like "Ohhh yes, I remember that..."

I managed to work my way up to them discreetly, and began asking Carol questions about various things in the exhibit. She was SOOOOO nice (I said this to Tony afterward, and Tony, still bitter about the September incident, said "She's probably on painkillers"), and really does have a lovely smile. What really got me though was her EYES. It sounds hilarious to say, but she has some really, really intense eyes. She looks RIGHT AT YOU. I walked with her and the curator for a while, and then she started signing autographs. I told her my name (I had to tell her about 10 times, she's hard of hearing now), and told her how wonderful it was to be part of this exhibition on her life. I don't think she heard the last part, but gave me a wonderful smile and signed my museum booklet. I told her "thank you," in kind of a sheepish little voice (what happens when I get nervous or starstruck) and she looked right at me again with those eyes of hers and, I think unconsciously, imitated MY EXACT TONE when she said "You're welcome!" Now I can say I have been imitated by Carol Channing. Fun.

We make so much fun of her, because she is a completely nuts performer, and you will probably see some of our Carol Channing antics here. But as a person, she is really, really wonderful.

"Money, you should pardon the expression, is like manure, it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around."

2009-06-27T02:01:00.003-04:00

This video sums up who we at Screen Mavens are and what we stand for.

-Lara

"AHHH! WHAT'RE YOU TALKIN' TO ME 'BOUT ELIZABETH TAYLOR FOR?!"

2009-06-27T01:56:00.004-04:00

So, Liza Minnelli was on Larry King Live tonight, because of this whole Michael Jackson fiasco. She did not look happy. Not only was she talked over/ignored almost the entire time, but it was roughly 3am when she was being interviewed. She was miffed by the negativity in his report, and when he was wishing her a goodnight, he cut her off. Mid-response. This was unacceptable.

What do people do when unacceptable things occur? That's right friends: Twitter goes NUTS.

Here, I will include my favorite tweets related to the subject, and some... not so related to the subject, but no less share-worthy.

Liza Minnelli and Usher are doing an interview from paris on michael jackson on larry king live. Sign of the end of the world? Possibly

Ugh I'm pissed. I hate Larry King. I love Liza Minnelli. Larry was disrespectful to Liza when she was on his show!! SHOW SOME RESPECT LARRY!

Liza Minnelli is tired of the negativity with Michael Jackson life. Glad she's standing up to the media!!!!

Larry King DID NOT just cut Liza Minnelli off!!! OH NO HE DIDN'T!!

Dear Larry King, Don't have anyone on your show (Liza Minnelli) if your not going to speak to them. Liza didn't wake up just to sit there!!

Liza Minnelli and Usher together on my screen in Paris!! That is the most EPIC thing ever!!

My mom would f*ck Liza Minnelli

I can't wait till I get old and can try to make my face look like Liza Minnelli's.

Liza Minnelli seems like the kind of person you'd want to spend a day with.

LIZA LIZA LIZA MINNELLI! My hero. Thank you, MJ. Because of your death, Cher and Liza have returned :) bless you two.

I don't want to live in a world where Liza Minnelli leaves Larry King Live and Deepak Chopra is still on.

Watching Liza Minnelli on Larry King Live. She's the kind of gal I'd like to have a drink with.

Liza Minnelli is pissed.

Wow, thats a pretty star studded lineup on larry king live. PS.Liza Minnelli looks gr8.

Liza Minnelli on CNN . I Like Liza Minnelli , Bless her :o)

I love hearing Liza Minnelli talk about how brilliant Michael's "spacewalk" dance was...

I do hope that Larry will realize that he conducted everything in a poor manner, but I'm afraid that's too much to ask.

-Emily

THE BOOK OF MAYER, VERSES 2 & 3

2009-06-27T01:25:00.003-04:00

Well, chickens, it seems as though the delightful, delicious, ...de-something Kayla has presented us with not one, but TWO more bible verses from The Book of Mayer. I present them to you with great pride. Onward.

Lo, came the success of The Thin Man, and the Lord turned to Gabriel, remarking, "I always thought Myrna Loy was Asian." Alas, the clock had turned, and even the Lord could not stop the girl from Montana from being All American.

So came the wedding night of Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli, and the Lord said to St. Peter, "Really? Did I write that?"

St. Peter said to the Lord, "Yeah, the eyeshadow had me fooled."

-Emily

"Well maybe Rose won't have to go to college! I mea..things are happening!"

2009-06-27T00:48:00.006-04:00

It's official: Michael Jackson has invaded the universe, Captain EO style. At the moment, Liza (as I am told by Emily, since I don't yet have cable television in my apartment) is on Larry King Live talking about MJ at 6:00 in the morning, Paris time. Whenever Liza gets up before late afternoon, something's up. Elizabeth Taylor's Twitter (which we both follow, because we're awesome like that) is usually sparse and she makes no more than a few tweets per week. Today, it is overrun with 7 declarations of love for Mistah Jackson, and my mother is doing her usual "He had kind of a tragic life" thing that she always does when important celebrities die.

Poor Farrah Fawcett. Even in death she couldn't get a break.

To keep the rain off our parade here at Screen Mavens (and believe me, here at Screen Mavens there's always a parade), a distraction is in order. That distraction comes in the form of a one Miss Tallulah Bankhead, who easily could have taken over the universe herself with her codeine and bourbon, not to mention her fabulosity and smoking too much. We want to be her.

Enjoy, you lovely things you, this episode of The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour, which Emily and I can recite backwards and forwards.

Night, dolls.
-Lara

Case In Point.

2009-06-26T03:50:00.003-04:00

We think this video is the most hilarious thing SNL has done in years.

"Only on TNT."

Goodnight, Charlie.

2009-06-26T03:41:00.001-04:00

Many of our inside jokes revolve around Penny Marshall. You will learn this.

A Dead Person.

2009-06-26T03:22:00.011-04:00

Now, here at Screen Mavens, we really don't know much of anything current, let alone anything that occurred in the last half of the 20th century. That being said, I think you will notice that there is a common theme in these photographs. Without this common theme, I assure you, a post on this topic would not have been made. And we mean that with all the respect and dignity that we possess.

By this point, the novelty of this get-together had worn off.

We respect the careers of Michael Jackson, Dame Elizabeth, and OF COURSE Liza Minnelli. But we certainly CANNOT respect this photograph, or anything that it embodies.

We were thinking that that video could justifiably sum up the entire tribute. But we couldn't help ourselves with those other photos. They're too brilliant. Except...you know...Turtle Man Gest.

Look who can do a forward Moonwalk, ya'll! [2:34]

THE BOOK OF MAYER, VERSE 1.

2009-06-26T03:00:00.009-04:00

I just got a message from Emily saying that a bible verse from the Book of Mayer has been sent to us by a glorious follower of ours (and incidentally, one of our favorite humans in existence), Kayla. We jointly decided that it should be posted here in all its glory.

And yea, the Lord sayeth to Ann Miller, "Find it within yourself to build an ark, to house all the beings in my kingdom." Ann, without materials to build, prayed for nights and nights, until the Lord blessed her with a way. "Aqua Net, Ann. Go forth and spray. Thine wigs shall be the shelter for the righteous."

I hope all you lovelies have marvelous Ann Miller-filled dreams.
-Lara

ONE MORE

2009-06-25T05:04:00.007-04:00

Ok, I have to post one more thing. It's kind of a follow-up to the TV show intros we dealt with in the last post. This video you are about to see is something completely ridiculous that we have been obsessed with for quite some time now. Enjoy.

"Isadora was the first bra burner..."

2009-06-25T04:40:00.014-04:00

We're obsessed with classic television. We get especially entertained by the intros, which are invariably hilarious and 70s. Thusly, we decided, at 1:30 in the morning (4:30 in the morning for Emily--yes, we're insomniacs), to compile clips of our favorite intros to share on our blog. So here we are, staying awake at ungodly hours solely to bring to you the brilliance of classic television, uncut and commercial free. Dedication? I think so. Watch and love, darlings.

Fun Fact #1: I must add here that I, Lara, spent my childhood trying to replicate the nose wiggle. I also couldn't fathom why everyone kept referring to it as a nose trick, because if you watch Elizabeth Montgomery do it, it's really her upper lip that wiggles, not her nose. What can I say, I was a perceptive (and...strange) child.

Fun Fact #2: The opening shot is actually from Babes On Broadway (1941, Judy Garland & Mickey Rooney), right before the title song is sang at the end of the film. A COLLISION OF WORLDS.
Fun Fact #3: This song is Emily's ringtone and alarm.
Fun Fact #4: Much of this video is shot en route to Lara's former workplace, about 10 minutes from her house.

The Opening Credits for Maude - watch more funny videos

Fun Fact #5: This is Emily's favorite show in the history of... shows.

"Suren da a Judy Garland gold fadden een fiasco. Set nan shushay."

2009-06-25T01:59:00.006-04:00

Hello, lovelies. Reading Lara's Carnegie Hall post forced me to want to listen to the Copenhagen concert (which makes no sense), and I decided that I simply MUST share this JudySpeak with you.

Now, the Copenhagen concert is something that not many people have their hands on, as it has never been formally released, which is a true shame. This particular performance was done on March 25, 1969 in Copenhagen, Denmark, and she is in amazing vocal form. I shall include an excerpt from a review of this concert:

"Her microphone technique is dazzling her mode of delivery strong and glowing; her personal charm incontrovertible (indisputable). She was dressed in a simple fireweed but not gaudy pants suit without a grandiose (elaborate) hairdo; she was just herself - without anything not belonging to her type. She flung her hit songs into the microphone in a way that produced dramatic and brilliant effects, or she chatted quietly and intimately, apparently conscious (aware), a little awkwardly, uncertain, but at the same time witty, warm and winning all hearts."

So basically, this concert was amazing. Lara just instant messaged me, asking me why she ALWAYS cries at the end of the concert, and I had to ask that as well, as I had just been tearing up. Oh, us Garland fans. Onto the JudySpeak...

'xcuse me... keep applauding for a se-EHHHHEGHHHM... ugn. I didn't mean that personally against eh... the... string section. You're dahling, you sweet-you're playing... beautifully. Hi, band. Well I guess so. We really are goi-it's quite TRAUMATIC for me, now, because I AM going to sing a new song, and I haven't LEARNED a new song since......well......embebhebhbORGINAL Vikings ordurhb or or Idon'tknow, eehe just CAVALCADE, I think the-wha, do you REALLY want to do this? I do.

That was a thatehehthat was a good tempo, but I don'treallyknow-what darling? ...Where are you? Eh, what love? Ughhhrh, I don't-you know I don't-you know I-I, I have enough trouble with my ENGLISH, letalone...an... edoughI'm I'm just... I love you very much, that's all...did he say ehhh something nice or...? What does that mean? Well ehstop PHOTOGRAPHING and translate! Down here. What darling? Eheheh, I'll say! Right! Is that a new song? ANYWAY. Thank you. …..........What darling? ….........OHHHH, SAY!!! I sort of recognize that..language. I love you too. I love you ALL. You know that. ….........................so nice. What, darling? MMMM? I'lls-ehMickey? Oheh. Oooorrrh, who is it? Is that Cockn'y? Well, we're going to sing another song that I love. Ehhhright? You'll like it. I promise you. It's a nice song. I dedicate this to my husband. Whom I'm MAAADLY inlovewith.

Uhuhuh. That's a nice..eh... tempo for Over The Rainbow. The way you applaud. ErrrwwsiI think we should stay.in Copenhagen with this same AUDIENCE...for the next NINE years. You are a...you are adelight. Now, what is it dear. Why don't we ask the audience if they... well... alriiiight. Alright. Right. Mm...now which si-nnhmmChicago... or San Francisco? ….SWANEEEE?! Well ehh we always get through Over The Rainbow, you know we have to do that, but that's the end of the act. What dear? Well, we'll sing them all. I'd like to! Why don't we? You have to sing HALF of themthough. Let's try... uh.. DETROIT. No. Why don't we try why don't we try Copenhagen? Alright, let's do Chi-yes. EHHHHEGGHHHM UHHHMUM. My DEAR.

I MUST sit down. Really. With these FEATHERS and HIGH HEELS. Well, it would look splendid. Shall we...HIT... the..song? And this is to you. Because I'm dedicated to you. Thank you for coming.

I feel as though I must say this, for anyone who simply wanders onto this blog. Lara & I mean NO disrespect whatsoever with our JudySpeak posts. In fact, we pretty much speak in this exact same manner. So... there... I said it.

P.S. This is Lara barging in to put her 2 cents in. We DEFINITELY DO talk like this. All the time. Also, we consider transcribing Judyspeak to be honoring Judy. Not only do we mean no disrespect, we mean admiration and love. Emily and I are extraordinarily devoted fans, and anything we say or do here is out of sheer affection.

"I'll sing 'em all and I'll stay all night!"

2009-06-24T22:49:00.006-04:00

Fun game--listen to the Judy at Carnegie Hall album and read along. This is a transliteration of Judy's first set of dialogue, as she speaks it. Emily and I do these things from memory. Because we're THAT Judy-crazed. So sit back and enjoy the fruit of our insanity.

.........thank you.....EHEMMM....I eh.....AIGHEM!!!! I'MMMMsoEXCITED my....gooness...AHEM!! I..just..got..back..wellnotactuallyjustgotbackIgotbackabout...3 MONTHS AGEAU...fromm..EUROPE...and I did a..a TOUR..onthe..CONTINENT. And I worked in PARIS and I'd never..I'd never worked in...inparisbefore...and I had a FRIEND...in Paris a woman who is...so CHIIIIIC...she's just so....CHIIIIIIC that you can't...STANNNNNNNIT. EH, she's a DAAAAARLING, MAAAARVELOUS woman, she's...sochicanyway...she..........she said you MUST go to my hairdresser...uh...because obviously you need somebody so she ARRAN....heh...AHEM!!..She arranged for me to go to this MAAAAHVELOUS....mmPARISIAN, fellow, who...who is just supposed to be the ENNNND, you know...and I came inn..and took one look at me and ehhh was ahahaigh....QUITE discouraged and he said "now...the first thing we must do...is you must look NOTHING. NOTHING. like...Judy Gah..NOTHING like yourself. And I said welldon'tyouthink...uh..I should look a LITTLE..eh.......NOOOOO, he said, NOOOOO that'd be...DISASTROUS, we'll CHANGEYOUCOMPLETELY. So the night of the...performance, he came back...uhhh..STAGE, and he had about NINNNE ASSISTANTS, you know...and uh..he clippeduhandmy HAIR...uh...it just got TALLER. And TAWLLAH. And...REALLY, it was about to HEERE!! You know...and ehhGREAT..BIG..THINGS..OUT..HERE. You know..SPIT CURLS. We used to call them in my day. I think they have...NEW..NEW..NAME foritnow...AND I looked VERRRY SS-SSTRANGE, I looked like an OVER...WEIGHT...Valenciaga..MODEL orsomething..and I CAME OUT..uhh..for the CONCERT that night I walked out...BALANCING my HAIR..eh...EHHEHH!! And..w-w-when I WORK I get very WAAAAARM, as you..can see I REALLY..uh get SO HOT. And I started..to SING.. and I started to get WARM. And my HAIR started to FALL. And it got lower and lowandREALLY it was just...NEAAAAANDERTHAL with all of the...the...uh..LACQUER runningdownhere the SPITCURLit was terrible.

Stay tuned for more of these. We're obsessed with Judyspeak.

Oh yeah, and P.S., Judy liked to feel people up. Check out this situation with Lorna. Awkward.

"Introduction, please. Key a b-flat. Here we go!"

2009-06-24T22:30:00.010-04:00

My name is Emily [insert Edith Bunker's cling peaches 'mmhmmmm' here]. I was born in Wilmington, Delaware in August, 1989. I’ve always felt responsible for the death of Lucille Ball (she peaced out four months and one day before I was born - there was only room for one psychotic, August-born redhead, I suppose). The first thing I remember liking that liked me back was Dorothy Gale. I had a horrifying puberty: it started when I was 9. I’m a high school graduate; I go to community college. My entrance exam was me going into a “hot... airless little room...” and having them tell me my SAT scores were high enough to do whatever the hell I felt like. I decided to stay in my house because I'm poor. My mother still tells me I should have gone to a University so I could move out. Eventually, I'll move somewhere else, where it's not so HUMID. But for now, I'm stuck in Wilmington. Delaware, this is your last chance!

My name is Lara. I was born in Oakland, California in September, 1985. I've always felt responsible for the death of Bea Arthur (I was saying just a few days before she died that she would live forever). The first thing I remember liking that liked me back was Judy's hair in Meet Me In St. Louis. I had a bad puberty. It started when I was way too young and is still giving me agony. I'm a high school graduate. I went to a small liberal arts school. My entrance exam was in Spanish (but I ended up taking French instead, because evidently I'm Liza Minnelli). I decided to move out of the house when I was 23. My mother (who, incidentally, is Ida Morgenstern) still refers to this as the best moment in both our lives, but still calls me 5 times a day. Eventually, I ran to San Francisco. Where it's gay. And I figured I'd get along better. Now I'm still here. San Francisco, like your streets, you line my heart with rainbow flags!

I hope that you find that our blog will be at least a little interesting. Believe me, we'll be getting one hell of a kick out of it!

More Judy

2009-06-24T21:41:00.002-04:00

Some unaired clips from The Judy Garland Show. Enjoy.

Screen Mavens Post #1

2009-06-24T21:39:00.002-04:00

All right chickens, here we are, making a blog. This is cool. I guess we should start by telling you who we are. I am Lara, and my friend is Emily. First and foremost, we are obsessed with the great, the awesome, the phenomenal, the hilarious and nonsensical Judy Garland. Beyond obsessed. Like...it's kind of ridiculous. We're going to the Judy Garland Festival next year in Grand Rapids, MN, so watch your back. I've been 3 times, but haven't been in 8 years. This is Emily's indoctrination to Festness.

In our years of correspondence, we have developed monstrous inside jokes that have evolved into repetitive nonsensical ramblings. We are eccentric. Some examples:

-We are obsessed with the letters of the alphabet, particularly the letter S.

-We have created many acronyms to communicate oft-talked about ideas, such as BBB, DLAWBB, DLBPB, and DLRPHTSIYR, all of which you will be introduced to at a later date.

-We repeat phrases over and over again, each time being endlessly, inexplicably entertained.

-We like CAPS.

-We know WAAAAAAAAY too much about Judy. So much so, that we've lost touch with reality and don't know what other people know and don't know. We're...socially special.

-We don't know why it is, but we become obsessed with the same people without knowing that the other is obsessed. Some examples include Meryl Streep, Patsy Cline, and the Beales (of Grey Gardens). Obviously, we're the same person.

So that's basically us. Who knows where this site may lead. Knowing us, we'll get perpetually distracted and go from topic to topic to topic. Stream of consciousness. Speaking of which, I leave you with a fantastically hilarious video before I go for coffee. Esca-lator.