The Book of Mayer, Verse 5

The delightful Kayla has once again supplied us with a precious verse from The Book of Mayer. Also, Kayla now has her own blog, and I think I'm safe in saying that you all want to follow her!


[disclaimer: do not read this book.]

The Lord sayeth to Nelson Eddy, "Dangle Louis B. Mayer out his office window, my son."

Nelson, always one to question, humbly replied, "As much as it would please me, Lord, I do not think it possible. My might, it is not enough."

The Lord nodded, acknowledging the baritone's point. "Well, Nelson, it's like this- either you do it, and it's true, or you don't do it, and someone comes along in 1979, saying you actually did do it because you were screwing Jeanette MacDonald, and had some sort of rage complex."

Nelson, his eyebrow raised, shook his head in disbelief, "Lord, I don't understand. They say to leave things in God's hands, and you seem to be leaving it to me."

"Yeah, well, sometimes God can't handle the firestorm of idiocy and leaves it up to his people."

"So I can do this or not do this, and either way, someone will think I did?"

"Uh, is that not what I just said? Whatever, those are your words of wisdom for the day. Go with it, my son."

"Are they going to say anything else?"

"Two words- rape machine!"

"I'm sorry?"

"Look, I gotta go talk to Joan Crawford about some kids, so you just... you have a nice day, Nelson."

Book of Mayer Bible Verse 4

Our official biblical correspondent, Kayla, has provided us with another bible verse from the Book of Mayer for this blessed blog.



Ava Gardner cried out to the Lord, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Mickey Rooney, I am granted no shade!"



-Lara

THE BOOK OF MAYER, VERSES 2 & 3

Well, chickens, it seems as though the delightful, delicious, ...de-something Kayla has presented us with not one, but TWO more bible verses from The Book of Mayer. I present them to you with great pride. Onward.



Lo, came the success of The Thin Man, and the Lord turned to Gabriel, remarking, "I always thought Myrna Loy was Asian." Alas, the clock had turned, and even the Lord could not stop the girl from Montana from being All American.




So came the wedding night of Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli, and the Lord said to St. Peter, "Really? Did I write that?"

St. Peter said to the Lord, "Yeah, the eyeshadow had me fooled."


-Emily

THE BOOK OF MAYER, VERSE 1.

I just got a message from Emily saying that a bible verse from the Book of Mayer has been sent to us by a glorious follower of ours (and incidentally, one of our favorite humans in existence), Kayla. We jointly decided that it should be posted here in all its glory.



And yea, the Lord sayeth to Ann Miller, "Find it within yourself to build an ark, to house all the beings in my kingdom." Ann, without materials to build, prayed for nights and nights, until the Lord blessed her with a way. "Aqua Net, Ann. Go forth and spray. Thine wigs shall be the shelter for the righteous."





I hope all you lovelies have marvelous Ann Miller-filled dreams.
-Lara