Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Book of Mayer, Verse 5

The delightful Kayla has once again supplied us with a precious verse from The Book of Mayer. Also, Kayla now has her own blog, and I think I'm safe in saying that you all want to follow her!

[disclaimer: do not read this book.]

The Lord sayeth to Nelson Eddy, "Dangle Louis B. Mayer out his office window, my son."

Nelson, always one to question, humbly replied, "As much as it would please me, Lord, I do not think it possible. My might, it is not enough."

The Lord nodded, acknowledging the baritone's point. "Well, Nelson, it's like this- either you do it, and it's true, or you don't do it, and someone comes along in 1979, saying you actually did do it because you were screwing Jeanette MacDonald, and had some sort of rage complex."

Nelson, his eyebrow raised, shook his head in disbelief, "Lord, I don't understand. They say to leave things in God's hands, and you seem to be leaving it to me."

"Yeah, well, sometimes God can't handle the firestorm of idiocy and leaves it up to his people."

"So I can do this or not do this, and either way, someone will think I did?"

"Uh, is that not what I just said? Whatever, those are your words of wisdom for the day. Go with it, my son."

"Are they going to say anything else?"

"Two words- rape machine!"

"I'm sorry?"

"Look, I gotta go talk to Joan Crawford about some kids, so you just... you have a nice day, Nelson."


  1. i'm legitimately following you guys now. because i fail and wasn't before.
    and this is awesome.
    and everyone has a blog now except me.

  2. this is never not hilarious. definitely following. the sweethearts hate brings me back to the total massacre of anyone who makes fun of norma shearer's wobbly eye or brings up mary astor's diary. god bless kayla.

  3. Mary Astor's diary was an inside job.

    ...oh crap, confusing conspiracies again.